Author's note:
This is a free verse narrative poem about Wednesday Morning September 26, 2012 at 6:OO AM...The prose poem before this was part of the aftermath of that morning...This defining life moment is about far more than experiencing Vertigo for the first time...
Vertigo Dawn
The
dawning ended the rumination
of
a reoccurring dream’s silent reverie.
Sweat
soaked sheets adorned traces
of
the realistic repressed passion
of
a slumbering melodramatic feverish delusion.
It
was a normal awakening moment’s sleepy imaginings,
vividly
revealing my shy and yet poignant desires.
I
don’t know how or where I went wrong
I
don’t know where I belong
I’m
tired… exhausted from sleeping alone
For
a fleeting moment, I thought I was real
And
yet as soon as that dream dust cleared from my eyes,
I
became overwhelmed by doubt
When
all heightened emotions were borne out,
in
the anguish of austere self-discovery.
Clearly
an illusion manifested into my mind,
as
an imaginary chimera of hope sown in hopelessness.
Disenchantment
from too many sleepless nights,
viewing
the awakening dawn,
from
the lonely cotton sheets.
As
I rose to dry my naked skin,
an
unfamiliar motion enveloped me.
Overcome
by Vertigo and fear,
I
felt I was consciously floating through the sky
Frantically panicking, fingers pinching perpeation soaked skin !
Hands
groping for a vacant heartbeat !
Mind
void of sound,
without
a familiar panicked, pounding, pulse
It
seemed the outbound stage
had
finally arrived at the station.
Conscious
life spun as it buzzed throughout a vortex maze
Visualizing this day of reckoning had come,
a
sense of final peace overcame fear
Envisioning
the time to free the child transcends illumination
The
instant to take the magic carpet ride to final distant horizons
Where
profound, unconditional love was in the making
I
had dreamed I had arrived on the other side
Regretfully
realizing my greatest fear…
Never
remotely imagining…
That
final flight would be alone
The
world whirled around inside
a
mind’s tempest of emotions
Recognizing
these were the final moments,
tears
flooded the sweat soaked sheets
as
that last lap around the circle was sent in motion.
The
screen flashed every lost lifetime of scenes
onto
my mind made tempest theater
The
final reel exposed my soul’s final regrets
My
tear soaked, bearded face screamed out
In
a soulful release of sighs too deep for words
A
moment to remember, a moment to forget
The
more things change the more they stay the same
I
visualized I was an orphaned child
Finally
finding the undiscovered pathway
to
my forever home..
Harlon Rivers...September 29th, 2012
Authors' notes:
This has been an extraordinary week. An emotional roller coaster ride of epic proportions. This week I have traveled from the threshold of a glorious dream come true to falling unexpectedly off the cusp of life as I knew it. I have never experienced Vertigo but I have experience dejection. Neither is pretty...Sometimes life events just get your attention for the aftermath that follows. There is something to be said about "when you least expect it"...
I thought Vertigo was something from the great cosmos beyond and in an unusual way it is. Maybe change beyond experiencing Vertigo has been brewing for a lifetime. Maybe change is finally here...too many things have happened to deny these winds of change. I have spent a lifetime getting to this moment only to find that the more things change the more they stay the same. This epiphany is not completely clear to me yet, but I know that this week has definitively changed me in this specific stage of life. We do not know what it is like to pass...some have come back, no one I have ever spoken with. Maybe it is like Vertigo and without someone there to see you or touch you or say goodbye or I would miss you if you were gone, we may not even realize we have stepped into another realm. If we experience dejection we may not even care or even welcome that moment of freedom. Maybe it would not be recognisable, as if we left one dream world into another...One door closes another opens is what I have always been told. A can of worms has been opened in my heart and soul...
Something like the "Word Whisperer" poetry blog would fade with the Author's avatar, soon becoming lost in Internet space. IRL..."If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear?" "When a faceless blogger or stranger in the computer screen on the internet is left for dead would anybody hear?" I can't handle being DELETED...BLOCKED...UNFRIENDED...It's hard enough when we are just simpily ignored. Maybe it's all an illusion of a troubled mind. I do not publish anywhere else anymore, so much of what is here is more a less a type of memoir of my life. I call it "thinking out loud". Most do it from time to time and occasionally it can cut like a knife to the bone unintentionally...
If I ever get serious about it in these pages I fill, there may be another 100 poems already written to post here. Many published, many more not , most yet to be written... in order to complete a lonely writers portrait.. Its never too late too write in an effort to find understanding. Since I left other writing sites after I had rotators cuff surgery and recovery has been at a snails pace. I have felt like a man on a secluded island, a feeling I am quite familiar with. This has been going on for 6 months, over three since surgery and there is likely another 6 months to follow...
"I ain't no lamp but my wicks burning low" a pearl of wisdom from the folksy Low Anthem song, Ghost Woman Blues linked below.
Not that it matters to anyone but me, but maybe someday I will tell some people from my past and my present, who think they knew me to come and see who I actually am...If I'm going to do it, I need to do it because I do not know what it means the exact moment we realize our mortality. It feels epic...I have recognized other's mortality many, many times before but this time it is mine and eerily different. This time I see it and believe it...I was blinded by the light. When I screamed out into the darkness Wednesday morning...there was complete silence. Not a soul answered... Since that moment there has been a string of events that tell me my life will never be the same again...I have discovered I am not who I thought I was...
Ghost Woman Blues by The Low Anthem
Authors note:
If there is any interest in why this poem was written just follow
the link to the side bar called
Diary of the Falling Dominoes
Thank you for visiting The Word Whisperer…
1 comment:
What you describe here sounds like a very frightening experience. It sounds as if you are viewing this as a point in which you need to stop and review your life and make goals for the future. It sounds as if you have been given the opportunity to take a look at where you've been and where you want to go.
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