" It Was Never a Dream ! "

It  Was Never a Dream

There was a moment when I awakened with a giant tree leaning against my back … I thought to myself , “ I am so small , so insignificant … how can I possibly bear such a heavy load ?”

There I was grounded by the weight , as the earth moved the bedrock within my soul ...  Feeling the compassionate warmth of the sun’s paragon shining upon my skin, lamenting, pondering ;   " I know I must be dreaming ."

There was a rhythmus verve to the surrounding air ; a cadence in the pollination breeze ,  stirring my heart …

An aliveness in the marrow of my spirit’s palpitations ,
brought an instant of startling clarity…

 As I looked up , I loudly exclaimed upwards towards the very apogee of the tree that leaned into me .

 “The love I feel is real !”… “I was never dreaming !”

Listening for Some Light

A chapter from " Watching a Thinkers Journey”

© 2013 … Harlon Rivers

“Listening for Some Light”

Everybody is looking

for some light; redemption is

deafened by the blinding glare

Squeezing the last drop out 

from within

stunned cold silence

Throwing the dice;

blindly rolling

circle of life roulette

Once there was a way

for wild eyes gone blind,

to learn to see again

Once there was a way

to see beyond

an empty space too big to fill

What will become of love

if we keep it 

hidden?

Walking away fighting shadows;

while what won’t matter

always remains

What is lost is gone forever;

what is found is

yours to keep

The distance between

what is and what isn't overshadows,

the symmetry you want to feel ...

© 2013 … Harlon Rivers

Destiny ... Merciful Surrender to the Weight of Gravity

This piece is a tribute to a traumatic life lived that could no longer be saved no matter how hard I tried… It has taken a few years to write something about someone I did not know until our fated intersection just upriver from my boat ; that April 21^st day at the river will be a moment never forgotten … A cathartic attempt to walk an understanding  mile in another’s shoes .  Sometimes our life changes so quickly we don’t really even comprehend how drastically a moment changes everything .... This narrative prose poem is based on a true life event .

Major depression is a debilitating illness that lurks below the surface often going undetected by loved ones .  You never know what inner turmoil lies within the outer cover of a book at a casual glace .   This cathartic writing is another attempt to heal from a past moment ; The aftermath of those left behind in the wake of tragedy at that exact spot , at that instant on an April 21st spring day 7 years ago . Changes at so many levels in so many lives, altering my personal journey forevermore …











The Weight of Gravity

Standing on the edge of oblivion
Dark circled eyes span the distant horizon ;
visible signs of an unsettled agony
tremble through the veiled ache within .
Knowing he had tried a lifetime
to cast off  this body’s  cage
Shed the invisible skin only he could feel
 
Racing thoughts suffer
as scrambled search for glimmers of hope’s shining light
fade into an unrecognizable hollow stare
All the while instinctively trying to regain focus
through the distracting fog and haze
of the inevitable price to be paid.
Thoughts of waiting here forever wane
as this haunting loneliness,
won’t abandon like so many before

Struggling for balance,
teetering on the brink of helpless surrender,
vulnerable thoughts of ever belonging faded
with the final concluding memories;
That fated moment when the last rumination
of physical human touch vanished
like a smoldering wick without wax
Smoke rings rising to dissipate,
disappearing into an untouchable broken dream...

Never really understanding
whether destiny carved the pathway
of the long and twisting road
leading to this defining crossroad
Or is it the preordained instant of forgiving submission
Doomed from the very beginning …
There were many rivers to cross
since the age of innocence ;
jumping off cliffs into the soothing summer waters
with the faith to fly like a bird,
soaring into the great abyss.

Now he stood frozen ;
stranded in an awkward moment
of confused trepidation
Daunting indecision overwhelms
a distorted perception
Essence… praying to the spirits of the universe
for the strength to understand the nebulous lines
between destiny and merciful surrender.
Asking for the strength to accept
that which could no longer be changed

At the cusp, high above
a waiting river too wide to cross …
Rolling out to sea …
grasping a precious journey’s completed circle
back to begin where life started
Physically too tired to reach
for another unknown distant shoreline .
Love is a river of tears
better crossed where peaceful waters flow

“ Its only water, I want it washing over me ,
Washing over me ”…

©  2012~2013 … Harlon Rivers  …All Rights Reserved

"That Day at the River"

The following narrative is a more complete description of the events of “That Day At the River” Although not graphic it does talk about what happened in the aftermath and may be triggering if you are prone to the sensitive emotions with an attempt at understanding thoughts of trying to save a passing life…
With those thoughts in mind, it has been removed from this page and is linked below to as a separate chapter of my Diary of the Falling Dominoes journals found here:
http://melancholyrivers.blogspot.com/p/this-piece-is-tribute-to-traumatic-life.html

Thank you for reading...

...probably... possibly maybe... "blogging some thoughts out loud about hopes and wishes"

"Just One Wish"

There was a time, after I was old enough to know better, when the one in the mirror seemed "crazy pragmatic." Moments came and went thinking there must a logical way to understand the unexplained mysteries of life… The unanswered questions that never seemed to disappear with time.  Life's twisting, turning journey seemed like a maze and every pathway taken was “probably…maybe” preordained destiny and yet seemed to hit countless boundaries .  When I finally realized nothing is inevitable, after a series of life changing events, I realized the more things change, the more they stay the same. Even if it were preordained  destiny I was brushing against, there was still a choice whether or not to follow it… Soon setting free the evolving possibilities seemed limitless.

“Probably…possibly maybe”.

When I was set free of the mind made chains that bind to dream without boundaries, free to imagine that dreams really could come true, it was emotionally and creatively liberating. It is not easy just treading water when you are stuck in a moment you can’t seem to get out of, merely existing...

“Probably…possibly maybe” feeling like I was just isolated doing dimensionless time.

No it’s not the impractical magic of a silent wish upon the thrown coin’s splash; it is the secret silence of a moonlit night that enkindles the belief in being… It arouses the faith that dreams do come true even when doubt overshadows rays of hope.. Don’t ever stop throwing coins at your dreams or wishing on a star. Even if it is only in your heart, may you always wish the wish...you wish tonight, following "your heart" no matter which way the wind blows. Understanding this moment has come to just be what you feel… don’t ever let anyone say what you feel is wrong... 

"Hope is like Faith, believing in something you can't see, but knowing in your heart it’s real. We all have faith in something, never deprive someone of hope--it may be all they have."

I just responded to a reader of a poem written called  “ Wish Upon a Tossed Coin" explaining the repressed pragmatist in me has never bought a lottery ticket ~  And yet wishes are 100 coins for a dollar…I knew a wise old Scot I adored who constantly reminded me of a well thought out simple Scottish proverb… “If it were not for hope, the heart would break”

 I've never been anyone special and yet I never dream about being someone other than who I am…  I wish and dream to discover the true nature of who that is, peacefully accepting the solitude of what is... Tossing coins in a fountain wishing for that desire to come true will break the bank but make me happy… 

Four Things You Can't Recover

The STONE after the throw.
The WORD after it's said.
The OCCASION after it's missed.
The TIME after it's gone.

Now there is one more new one to add to the list..."You can never get back the WISH after the coin is tossed"... or probably... possibly maybe... after the candles are blown out on a birthday cake...

Here is a link to my "Whispering Moon Beams" chapters if you are interested in the writing this is all about.

Link to: ~ Wish Upon a Tossed Coin ~

 If we've looked for something in life and never found it… it does not mean it does not exist…even though we perceive something to be true, does not make it so…

"probably…possibly maybe.”

The Morning After the Storm

. . . Spring storms have a certain peace to them because even though they cause damage left in the aftermath of their fast moving fury,   there is a sense of peaceful relief in knowing the season of renewing growth and recovery is upon us ~ Please read "The Forces of Nature" and or  "Cherry Blossom Blizzard" directly below to understand where this comes from...thanks for reading ~

The Morning after the Storm

Forget-me- not blossoms overflow

The spring storm’s fleeting traces

spill over the dewdrop filled cups

Yesterday’s memories slowly drip

from their delicate peddles

Jeweled droplets dribbling down

onto the mist covered leaves of dawn

The flickers of the rising sun’s rays

illuminate the kaleidoscope painted faces

adorning the brightly colored Johnny jump-ups

Iridescent shining sunbeams radiate

a subtle rainbow-like sparkle

infiltrating the shady pathways and cracks;

shedding light on the passage way

through the shadow's veiled maze

where all natural rays of hope penetrate darkness

Lady bugs crawl out from the respite

of well-grounded safe harbor

Stretching tiny wings to dry

in the dazzling intermittent glimmering warmth

On this morning after the spring’s storm,

the heavens open the cumulus fluffy cotton puffs

highlighting the Forget-me-not enlightened faces

Mirroring the blue skies azure

Welcoming a poignant new day’s genesis

©  2012~2013 … Harlon Rivers  …All Rights Reserved

~ Forget-me-not ~

The Forces of Nature

...the many forces of nature seem to be weaving new threads into it's natural tapestry. It is better to yield to it's forces than to deny what will be Mother Earth's way on this day...

Looks like nature has given this day a theme as 60 mph wind gusts from an unexpected Spring wind storm that has taken its toll on the future...

Forces of Nature

Douglas fir spires
fight back turbulent gusts
Helpless to resist
the inertia of their wild sways 

Dormancy leaned towards
brighter season’s horizons,
stretching out into the southern winter skies
seeking the radiant warmth of surrender

Now the southerly forces of nature
bully them effortlessly
as their statuesque grandeur
arches evergreen  apexes
headed to the north

Snow White Trilliums
hug the shelter within
the mossy forest floor
that lies below

Delicate Tiger Lilies bow
their graceful heads
in prayers of hopeful  survival
Fragile Bleeding Hearts
lay tainted by the raging tempest

Wind battered Forget - me - nots
will not be forgotten
by the nearby Johnny jump-ups
hanging their bright colored faces
under the weight of the fallen wild iris

Petal baron Mountain Ash trunks camber,
arms stripped naked
down to its  lichen covered bark,
while it's nurturing orange berries
are lost for nature’s reasons

Red breasted Robin’s someday flight south
remains fleeting seasons away
That autumn journey to a distant Garden of Eden
where their unending circle began
The very embryo of direction
birthing the wind they love and shall loathe

The evergreen brow's ,
tender bloom of pine-cones ,
steal away to the North
over the abrupt basalt bluff

Nature’s defiled new beginnings
free fall like cremated remains,
ashes drawn in a downward draft
over the boulders
scattered down the  leeward cliff

Mother Earth’s natural respite
shields the drifting remains
swirling into the currents
of the rushing water far below

Peace like a river
awaits the forces of nature
A natural conclusion
brings the elements of life back home ~

© 2013 … Harlon Rivers

Cherry Blossom Blizzard

Continuing with mother nature's ever presence ... same wind storm with a different perspective ...

Cherry Blossom Blizzard

A thunderous growl

daunted the horizontal night

as it whistles and roars

through the sky-high

swaying timber  grove ,

rumbling like an unstoppable

runaway freight train

... elements of nature

howl with the reckless wind

battling to defy gravity

blossoms of Spring 

travel in horizontal waves

as the surging winds strip away

shards of flying cherry blossoms ;

veiling clarity as if it were

a stunning fragrant white out ,

overwhelming all

adrenalin heightened senses ,

with a cherry blossom blizzard

wild cherry trees drip

the perfect storm’s teardrops ,

lamenting the loss

of its season’s  purpose ,

well-grounded essential blessings

thrive to bear the fruit of their essence

... natural gifts supply need over desires

while the savored cherry pies of summer

fly away like dust in the gusty spring wind ~

© 2013 … Harlon Rivers

Deer Speak

...This writing shares a moment of sitting and looking out my window on a spring evening ... this is just a simple 10 minute word doddle about what I saw and felt...poems still hit the paper tablet pages at my home ... the picture pose is a bit blurry but the moment shared was vividly present ...

Tonight as dusk transforms our light

Another day in a life has passed

These days I feel loneliness grasp

Solitude is an icon often misused within a tainted past

This will be no form or reverie,

just a view from this moments reflections amassed 

This moment of peaceful serenity

Tranquility’s die is cast

Looking outside this humble window

They know I’m just a man

They’ve learned my harmless nature

They empathize my darkest past

My spirit’s aura is gentle

I could sleep within their bed

Their unconditional love for me sings,

a melodic melody with words that are left unsaid

They nibble and graze in our spring’s glory

Our brotherhood of being aligned

We’ve learned from our meek co-existence

United together we shall stand

Spring dandelions picked like candy

Cracked corn stolen from my birds

Blueberry bushes ravaged

You can only imagine my words

Tulips inhaled like a daydream lover

Starved for just a passing moments taste

Trillium's licked and sucked are mere foreplay

A blossom once loved never can be replaced

It’s just the herd, me and my musical moment

Hunters BEWARE  OF ME!!!!

Dare feel no sorrow or sympathy

Their presence grounds his grace 

© 2012, 2013 ...  Harlon Rivers