Dear Faceless Friend...

An unsent letter to a faceless friend I met on a public forum, but I'm not likely the only one to experience this modern times phenomena...

,

My Dearest Faceless Friend,

I’m writing this letter in the hopes you will understand why I needed to leave the public forum…I could take it or leave it,  either way you matter to me...it took along time to get here.  I feel guilty I couldn't tell you but would not lie to you…I just couldn't tell you everything, you just wouldn't want to know.  I feel like big brother compelled to protect your feelings.  We do that with people we love.

   

Did you go looking for me when I was conspicuous by my absence?   I didn’t disappear I was absent for your own good.    Like it or not that’s going to happen in modern life, people just disappear that we learned to love and only the traces of their soul are left behind in words on some abandoned forum avatar... the final lasting impression as memories fade into the dust on some screen .   Faceless souls become a piece of your life even though they may seem like a stranger in the cab.  They get in they get out often without saying a word in the moment...I’m sorry what you found there.   Traces of you.    I’m trying to take your hand and lead you away from past darkness to be able to move on with life.    It feels like I did the very opposite.

“How can I warn you when my tongue turns to dust?
Like we've discussed
It doesn't mean that I don't care
It means I'm partially there
You're gonna need to be patient with me”

(lyrics from a Wilco song..."please be patient with me")

Believe me when I tell you that I know you need a friend.   So do I… That’s why we return to this special place of ours.   We were not born to be alone and when we are it eats away from the inside out leaving only hollow remains, a shell of who we once were when we were loved.   I don’t trust public forums either.   I feel a ball and chain to the words from hell that I tried to leave behind.  I have to see it through though, but wish I never started it.  I didn’t know what to do, just go away or avoid telling you..  I felt called out by a response.   I hope I was not confrontational in what I wrote in reply.   Sometimes I just get started and can’t stop as you can clearly see.

I have searched for my life's meaning since its beginning.   Something makes me write what I've written for reasons I do not yet understand.   Interact with people I do not even know.   I didn't want to respond again to that topic I started, I just zoned out and there was no other way to get it off my mind.   The things I've done this past month have been a leap of faith that I'm hopeful they will lead me to a better place.   I am what I am and I accepted that fact along time ago.  The thing is, I am stubbornly strong, physically and mentally.   My heart and soul just work differently than most people. Highly sensitive beings are like that.   We are what we eat.   Please don't feel sad for me.  You need your energy for you and your family.   Thanks for all your thoughts and compassion.   I am listening to a song at this moment that feels like it was written about me…

What am I going to do with you?  You’re so much more than you know.   I’m thankful for your final letter.   I feel the same way...I'll never grow older either, at least in my mind.   You feel you can’t write anymore and I feel your feeling rusty is all.   I feel clumsy as well.   “This letter is very self involved”   I don’t want it any other way because there's no other way you'll understand.    I treasure the writing you have shared.   I treasure every word you wrote to me.    Take a deep breath.   I’m going to attach something you that I hope in time you’ll be able to give a listen.   I don’t want to overwhelm you.  I won’t forget. .maybe you'll write again one day and we’ll talk about it later. It’s okay to let me see a frown.   Let’s work on turning it back to a smile together, then you can leave me where you found me...   Just know that if we never speak again that I believe in this simple truism...Love is not a protective cage, but the gifts of wings that allow another to fly free…

All said with love,

Your faceless memory